Who, Inc. and the Data Grinch

Jake Freivald's picture
 By | December 18, 2015
in holiday, master data management, MDM
December 18, 2015

All the Whos down at Who, Inc. loved their business a lot.

But the Grinch, a tough Who, Inc. rival, did not.

The Grinch hated their business, hated it madly.

He set about trying to make it do badly.

Play the video to hear the text read out loud.

 

Staring down from his office with a sour Grinchy frown

At the sparkling dashboards Who, Inc. had around

He knew every Who down in Who, Inc. was busy

Preparing their business ideas in a tizzy.

 

“I know what they’re thinking,” he growled in his throat.

“Their MDM project will keep them afloat.

They’ll see all their customers, clear as a bell.

They’ll see operations and products as well!”

 

“Do they need all that data? You bet that they do!

Their three-sixty view will help drive revenue!

Even their view of that Cindy-Lou Who,

A three-sixty view – and she’s no more than two.”

 

“And they’re running their numbers,” he snarled with a sneer.

“It’s the end of Q4. Year-end’s practically here!”

Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming:

“I must find some way to keep business from coming!

 

“Or in Q1, I know, all those Who-Inc execs

Will wake bright and early to start cashing their checks.

And then… Oh, the noise. Oh the noise. Noise, noise, noise!

They’ll dance with their bar charts, with their forecasts all rising

They’ll shout out their praises to employees they’re prizing!

They’ll market their Widgets

They’ll market Gah-Ginkers.

They’ll sell their Floo-Floobers and Sibbery Sinkers!

 

“Then all of those Whos, from the bottom to top,

Will publish their earnings -- I must make them stop!

Their share price is quoted all through the town!

I have to do something to bring Who, Inc. down!”

 

Then he got an idea. An awful idea.

The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea.

“I know just what to do,” said the Grinch, grinning sickly.

“Their MDM project must falter quite quickly.

With all of that effort for so little gain,

They’ll never compete with my business again!”

 

A sour, Grinchy smile split his gross, Grinchy face –

And on eight Grinchy fingers, he laid out his case.

 

“They need an executive sponsor!” he cried,

“To serve as a leader – to serve as a guide!

I’ll mire him in politics, acronyms, more,

I’ll get him to think MDM’s just a bore!

Of all eight worst practices, that might be best!”

Then the Grinch took his time to lay out all the rest.

Seven more times, worst practices all,

He tallied the ways that he’d make Who, Inc. fall.

 

This is no Christmas tale, and it’s no childrens’ book

So we can’t know which way all the Whos’ fortunes took.

Did Who, Inc’s plans fail? We can’t rightly say.

But their budgets grew almost three sizes that day.

 

As for the Grinch, he’s Grinchy as ever

After his Who, Inc. destructo-endeavor.

You can learn the worst practices with which he annoyed them –

More importantly, though, you can learn to avoid them.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Information Builders!